Felipe Massa’s taken enough stick on this blog already, so I won’t join the chorus of those criticising his newfound rallying skills.
But a thought occurred to me this morning: what odds on lil’ Felipe not scoring a single championship point this year? Sounds a bit daft, but it could happen: there are a mere 16 races left in the season, a mere 16 tiny lapses of concentration, a mere 16 despairing efforts to keep up with Kimi.
I’m not one for betting, but I thought it could just be worth a punt. So I asked the nice people at Paddy Power, and they gave me odds of 150/1 on Massa registering a perfect zero this season. The only condition? That he has to compete in at least 10 races, but I’m guessing his contract is fiddly enough to keep him at Ferrari until Hockenheim this July.
Since I was there anyhow, I thought I’d check out a couple of other potential big earners. Fancy a long shot? How about Anthony Davidson for a first-ever F1 win this year, a snip at 150/1? Think about it – a starting-line pile-up in the wet, Davidson placed ready to pounce at the very back of the fieldâ¦ you’re living it up in the Bahamas already. No?
For a safe bet, by comparison, stick a tenner on Jenson Button fronting the BBC’s F1 coverage next year. At 80/1 it’s a shoe-in – sure, you’ll have to wait until next year to pick up your cash, but Jenson does love the camera.
If you want to play it even safer, Paddy Power will give you 50/1 on Lewis Hamilton releasing a single with Pharrell Williams. The only stipulation is that it has to make the top 40. We’re not sure whether you’d get your cash if it charted at, say, 36, and then got demoted five places for being in the way of faster songs.
But Top Gear’s favourite bet is an investment-savvy 100/1 on Fernando Alonso treating himself to a Kevin Keegan style perm before the end of the season. Yes, it’s more likely that Nando will go curly than Davidson will win a race.
So here’s Top Gear’s top investment tip. Stick a quid on an accumulator of all the above bets. If (hell, when) they all come true, you’ll net a cool nine billion quid. Probably enough to buy out Massa’s contract.