It hasn’t been a good week for the man we call Big Schu. Following the Scud-Nurburgring interface – which, incidentally, Ferrari PR types are now blaming on test driver Raffaele DiSimone – Schumi has been on the rampage in Kent, knocking over a man who was locking his garage gates.
Big Schu, driving a Fiat van, was overtaking a couple of slower cars when he clipped the security gate that Martin Kingham was closing. The gate hit Mr Kingham in the leg and knocked him to the ground.
Though Mr Kingham wasn’t injured in the incident, the driver’s side mirror of Schumi’s van was smashed and police were called to the scene. They confirmed that the two men exchanged insurance details, and that no further action would be taken. There, that’s the important legal bit to make sure we don’t get sued.
But here’s the big question: what was Big Schu doing hooning round Kent in a Fiat van? We know he’s sponsored by Fiat – check out this bad advert – but still…
More sensible office suggestions include:
- He was returning to the Channel Tunnel from the Silverstone Classic event.
- He’d just finished a spot of karting at the Lydd International Raceway.
Less sensible suggestions include:
- His van was loaded up with a race-primed lawnmower from the previous weekends’ 12-hour endurance lawnmower grand prix, where he had been competing under the pseudonym, erm, Raffaele DiSimone.
- He was on his way to the famed Shottenden Car Boot Sale with a van full of slightly chipped porcelain dogs.
- He really doesn’t like used car salesman.
We need your help. Suggest away. Nothing litigious, please.
Just Silly road driving. An excellent race TRACK DRIVER(Track driver being the operative word) does not make an excellent everyday road driver. A lot of different things are taken into account.
The van is really a heavily-disguised Ferrari FXX test mule.
At least he admitted it, it’s more than what Lewis would have done! Kimi..Canada..pit-lane…??
Following his departure from F1, money is getting a bit tight.
he wants attention. Hes bored not being in F1. I think he should tour englangs ko kart race tracks:)
*englands sorry
FIAT were working on the motto ‘any publicity is good publicity’
I wonder if it was a Ferrari F1-powered Fiat van? Remember like Renault sticking an F1 engine in an Espace.
Some bigwig at FIAT got jealous of Ferrari taking all the credit for performance prowess and racing pedigree, so they gave Schumacher a FIAT van and told him to drive like a maniac so he’ll be seen to be driving a FIAT by millions. In return, FIAT will bail him out of prison if he got arrested.
That less-than-sensible enough?
Maybe Ferrari are creating Supervan? “Ferrari Ducati Enzo” and Schumi was test driving it… Nice move though, noone would suspect that under the Fiat badge
clearly fiat and ferrari are going to launch a new van racing series but with a slight death race 2000 twist that u have to hurt old men in a race across europe! and clearly ’schui’ is leading atm!
expect some news later this week ov damon hill with a zimmer frame stuck under his transit van!
He’s secretly the Stig and he’s in a hurry to get to the Top Gear office.
i think, my fellow tg fans he saw sundays show ,when the lads showed the germans just who is the best(without a single mention of the war,incidently) and he got a bit upset ,no sense of humour you see.lost the will to live and bish ,bash,bosh turned into a gibbering wreck,rule brittania my fellow brits …bye
He was part of another Italian Job, and was in the Fiat van trying to create a lot of chaos and traffic, just like last time.
They were testing new Ferrari aeropack! Shumi is still a test driver as everyone knows. But in London? rumors about new GP at London!
Or more likely, Fiats brakes were busted, thats just everyday!
He is road/track testing a new Fiat van to rival the Ford Transit ST maybe ?
Transporting Karadzic to Hag.
Got high.
Got lost.
Came to in Russia.
The rest is history.
Mika Hakkinen, distraught after the death of his tortoise in a fire, suspected schumacher of lighting the fire. Decided to chase Schumi down in a Mercedes Sprinter… this was enough of a distraction to send Schumi out of control, thus hitting said fence.
Dumb salesman, i’d have asked him to sign my broken leg. He was probably looking for a good place to hide what used to be a ferrari scud stored in the back of the van
Was it a white van….?
obviously he now works for Parcel Force…
maybe he was testing the upcoming Abarth Ducato?… still some handling problems apparently :/
he is on drugs loll
was finkin bout his husband
plod: “hello hello hello, who the f**k do you think you are sunny Jim? Michael bloody shoe-maker?”
clearly he though he saw Lewis Hamilton in his mirrors….. hehehe…
he either
a) saw jeremy and got scared and crashed
b) saw james driving slow so he raced him
c) was 2 busy lookin at hammond crashing
id say capton slow was in one of the slower cars!
“That really was a stupid moment” said schuey to the police. Where have we heard that before?
The boring story is.. he was on his way to his private jet in an airport. read Daily Mail’s version of the story (it’s online), it mentions the guy owns Millfield Motors in Lydd, google it, find the street address, Google Map it, and you’ll see that the place is very close to the airport (hint, it’s the south-east tip of England). I can’t see any street corner though, unless he really was driving recklessly.
The dickhead sounded really arrogant too… lock him up in jail!
The only reason he crashed was because he is german
1. He wanted to see why us Brits like hooning around in vans but dropped his pasty.
2. He was trying out a new ‘real life’ version of Burnout, and failed at a triple ‘Near Miss’.
3. The man he got had stolen his Game Boy earlier that day.
4. He was trying to drive like JK.
5. He just gets bored sometimes…
maybe he saw Max Moseley approaching from the rear?
Italians an Germans having a get together? it was bound to end in tears at some point….
Ah he was in a hurry to deliver some very important photocopies to me, being the helpful chap that he is.
So much info h needed a van to shift it all.
PS Does anyone need a driver, I’m really good!
Rushing to put his towel on a deckchair in Brighton?
-works for DHL now. “delivering your goods faster”
He’s practising for his attempt to beat Sabine’s time on the nurburgring in a van.
vunk ein shloohen burk tecknik….
quick officer, he has hit the wrong side of a spoon!
Ferrari is offering £9.99 for any remaining brain matter. Ego? under £0.99 for a bucket
He thinks that regular driving is to easy so he tried to do it with his eyes closed….. he failed
he was transporting parts to fix that scuderia he smashed in germany
Scott B:
he didnt admit it was his fault at all.
http://en.f1-live.com/f1/ en/headlines/news/detail/ 080731100656.shtml
Well it is obvious, the Schue saw the man was about to crush a small child in his gate, so the schue used his immeasurable skill to knock the man out, using the wing mirror of his highly secretive Ferrari International Action Transport Vehicle And Noticeable(FIATVAN), whilst leaving him with no injury. As the man was not evil, he only called the local police and did not unleash Chuck Norris from the boot of the FIATVAN…
he was proving the old myth, that caus he has a smally willy he has to drive a big van – germans eh!
He might be trying to get his new courier business off the ground! Or he had just kidnapped Hamilton!
He is just getting older. Wait for some time to see him driving wrong way on a highway.
Was Schuey asked to transport the STIG to a TG film shoot & there were no more Ferrari hire cars available as someone keeps crashing them!!
He was asleep
Damon Hill was trying to overtake him in a Transit and Schumey’s brakes *accidentally* locked up going into a right-hander, spearing Hill off.
Either that or he was driving like a cock.
he just likes kent
…………he was looking for an englisch optician – old-style NHS specs have now become the latest fashion accessory among the beautiful people!
maybe he was trying to get one back on mclaren by stealing one of their cars lol
then he had to flee the scene and get away and lay low in a alley
then finally hit the salesman and ruined the plan
not going well for ferrari now they not winning ey
in his retirement Schuey got a bit bored and decided to play on grand theft auto, found the road rage driving quite fun and decided to give it a go for real. He mistook the old folks in the fiat he was overtaking as rival gansters and went to do a drive-by on them before hitting the garage guy.
The van was full of passports. He’s smuggling Ferrari staff from Maranello to Honda.
He realised he was driving a van and commited suicide, but he failed misserably
He found himself driving a fiat van, does he need another excuse to completely loose it?
yeah well shuey must have been driving for him to crash so many times…. hes missing his career and so probably tried overtaking those cars for a thrill….. lol …. TRANSIT VAN- FERRARI F1 CAR.. bit of a difference. one question.. how much was that ferrari he wrote off?
his wife was doing a horse show in sussex, he went into my local pub the other day
obviouosly it just a publicity stunt by FIAT
Look, if you’re statistically the greatest F1 racing driver of all time then others may think there is nothing left to achieve. Schuey is longing for some kind of more mundane and everyday thrill ride, as this is something he obviously has lacked, spending as he has, most of his time in the racing formulas. He now wishes to consolidate his Formula One groundwork and apply the fruits of his labours to real-world, public road performance exercises and challenges. You must admire the man’s tenacity and determination to fully experience all aspects of car racing; this is obviously some sort of research/testing exercise in preparation for his next job as a professional getaway driver. The man is nothing short of remarkable, a true phenomenon. This undoubtedly gives us a better insight into his many notorious incidents on the racing circuit. His collisions, or those attempted, with Villeneuve and Hill in the 90s were clearly just training for the future scenarios he saw in his post F1 calling and true lifelong profession. He knew even then, that the titles and arduous training and racing he performed were necessary only to inure him to the dangers and precariousness of his future trade. Sure, they were fun, nice work and paid well too, but this was just a bonus. I’m sure he is second to none in the art of J-turns, pincer movement evasion, stinger avoidance, fishtail counter manoeuvres and the like. The deliberate collisions with other F1 drivers now make perfect sense if understood as ram-raiding practice runs, a key part of cash machine/shop store front robbery you know. The aggressive contact driving incidents came as they did, at crucial moments in the bid for the F1 championship, because this was also a very similar type of pressure situation to that involved in head-to-head police evasion and disruption tactics, needed to successfully escape.
Ironic really, we lauded his achievements and bemoaned his retirement (well, some of us), yet all the while the real work was just beginning, and all that F1 malarky was a just a warm up act, a dress rehearsal if you like, for bigger and better things.
He just found the button to turn the traction control off and he wanted to see what the van could do.
He just felt like running some poor guy over, and missed
After crashing the Ferrari in “the Ring” he was punished by Fiat (who owns Ferrari) to be a parts delivery driver for Fiat dealers.
He thought that was Ken because he’s in Kent.
I here that things are tight and he now does parcel delivery in and around kent
If your parcel is not with you in 30min we pay the postage!
Big Schu Courier Delivery’s
Shuey was delivering an ‘on special offer’ pizza that had to be delivered within 10 mins or it was free. He was obviously running late!
Can’t believe this happened near where I live lol it was in the local paper.
He was driving to Lydd airport to get his private jet, the airport is a popular one for these sorts of planes.
He probably has does parcel delivery and was delivering a parcel.
It had to be with you within 20 minutes or the delivery man got fired.
yeah they made him work for parcelforce. ( type in lee evans xl tour- parcelforce ) i think he misread FIAT for FAST on the front of the van.. i agree with butterfly actually. pizaa thing. actually might be a curry though
only five minutes left til the pizza would be free so hes the emergency delivery man
The “old man” was actually Jacques Villeneuve is disguise.
…in disguise even
If only the ups drivers in America would go that fast…
since retiring from f1 he’s decided to try his hand at being a posty! Though didn’t fiat do a special Schumacher edition van and fiat stylo?
He’s testing a new stability control system on the streets after his troubles at the ‘ring.
shcuey is getting a bit old and a bit silly but he should come back 2 f1 cos hes very very good on yhe track.
he was running from lewis hamilton because he knows lewis is going to be 10 times better than him!!! by the way lewis was chasing schu in a nissan sunny!!
all u people have to much petrol in ur veins and don’t see the obvious. He had a woman in there!!! DAH!!!! hence why he was distracted cause he was concentrating on something else…
the fact that nothing was done about it just goes to show that if you’re in high places, or you’re a HAS BEEN which is what shoemaker is- you can get away with anything…..
he has a toilet seat in his fiat van.
SO THATS THE AREA OF THE DESIGN WORK HAS BEEN TAKING PLACE IN THE FIAT FACTORY!
NOT ON THE FIAT 500
Worrying About The Poem
Fix
It
Again
Tomorow -FIAT
Or.. Thinking That at least its better than
Lots
Of
Trouble
Usually
Serious -LOTUS
Or…
Found
On
Rubbish
Dump – FORD
i have absolutly no idea but then nor did schumi he was in a van not one of fiats small people carrier thing…..
Just so long as he wasn’t crossing a double white, I don’t see what the problem is.
he just race against mika hakkinen who was on a mercedes van !!
His Busy Trimming his Eyebrows
Maybe the van was a disguise for a new Ferrari protoype and the “incident” was a diversion. It could never be driver’s error, not with Schumi, at least!
Enuf sed!
Wow, hear hear RELENTNESS….you sound bitter!
Whats the matter, lose a bet on Schumi and lose your dignity?
Guys don’t dig too deep into it, how many times have any of you gotten away with things too??
I know I have, and still do (sometimes)
Schumi was racing Alonso in a Kangoo panelvan, and other drivers in Veto buses, caddy panelvans and toyota condors…
F1 has taken the comptetitive edge off Schumi on the track and now its reborn on the public roads in less performance enhanced vehicles (i.e. postman Pats paper van).
Let’s hear it for Schumi people, he is still having it!!!!!!!!!!
Schumacher IS THE STIG!